It reminds me of how I am when I'm with you. You called me a little kid before; you wouldn't be the only one to say that I am. I guess that's what love does to you. When I received your messages two days ago, I was prancing around like a little girl. It's amazing. Me, who has always been known to be the mature and wise one, to be seen to have a mind much older than his body, have been made a kid before your presence. You indeed have power over me I cannot comprehend. Love, it is love. More powerful than any force in this planet, more powerful than the mountains that stand in our way, than the governments that threaten to separate us.
I've been unusually anxious lately - and i mean this sexually. I keep thinking of all the sex we had when we were together and I realize no one has ever come close to filling that void you left. I keep going on this frantic search, getting myself drugged, intoxicated, stoned - to get that high you would give me without these things. No Ah Liang, not even close. I cannot replace you.
Yet somehow, I feel you slipping into the back of my memories. As if two weeks from now I may not even remember your name anymore. Why am I losing my attachment? I keep telling myself I cannot, because if I did, then you wouldn't bother to keep yourself attached to me, like i'm the glue holding us together.
Who do I kid? You're still on my mind everywhere I go and in everything I do. I still retardedly smile in public when I recall memories of us and zone out more times than I can bother to count. I know nothing would make me happier right now than to have you by my side. I want to see your face. I want to remember how it feels like to have my heart race when I see your face, or my world stop when you hold my hands, to have no sadness or anger in me when you hold me close; to love you.
I hope you miss me too. Cuz' I fucking miss you.
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