These 2 weeks have been tough without you. More so than I ever thought it could be. Maybe because I went from seeing you everyday to not seeing you at all (and may not ever be able to again!) that makes it so tough.
I've met a couple of guys. Had a couple of mini-dates, but it's been mostly sex. I'm still keeping my promise of having my heart only for you. I hope you are doing the same. How is china? I don't get to hear much from you. I know you don't want me to bother you with messaging you everyday but not hearing from you is eating away at me from the inside.
There has not been a single day that I have not thought about you. Literally everyday. When I'm happy and when i'm sad; when I'm sober and I'm high. Every little thing brings memories and floods of emotion.
I was on my way to the gym the other day, just like how we used to. Walked the same path; the many pigeons around, the sun above us. Then I saw someone, carrying a backpack like you would. My heart skipped a beat and everything in me wanted to run up and hug that person, just like how I used to when I saw you in the distance. I looked at him again. I knew he was not you. He didn't have your special 'macho' walk. He wasn't wearing your silly stripped singlet. He was not you. But damn, I wished he was. So that with every drop of hope I could claim victory over my pain, that you would indeed be a part of my life again and true love is more powerful than any governmental power. That distance would be no barrier to us. Alas, I was wrong.
I miss you so much and the only reason I am writing here is because I dare not bother you with my feelings, lest I scare you away even further than where you already are from me. I wish you were here with me now, scolding me for being too clingy, treating me (and forcing me to) eat chicken rice. Asking me to translate your client's messages.
I guess it's only really tough now, since this is only the beginning of our seperation. Maybe this phase will blow over.
When it does, will you still call me 亲爱的?
AJ
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