It's Over

Dear Chen Yun Liang (Samson)

I've missed you everyday since you left Singapore, and my love for you has grown exponentially. It's amazing that even in your absence I am motivated by you to change my life, to work for things and for the first time in a long time, my life has direction. You have changed my life and I wish I could spend everyday of my life with you.....

But I don't think you feel the same.

I've been trying so hard to maintain our relationship, our communication, our trust, but you don't seem to want to even bother. Every moment I have with you is precious and our memories together are invaluable, but they don't seem to matter to you. How is it that here I am losing my mind and myself over you, and you have barely any thought of me?

Finally, I am tired of sacrificing. Tired of giving in to you like I always do. Tired of you leading me on thinking it's a good idea to wait on you, when deep down I know you're never coming back.

I've allowed myself to reclaim my heart and I'm finally nursing the rips and tears that wrecked it. I'm finally courageous enough to do it.


One of your clients messaged me on Facebook today, thinking that he could get in touch with you through me. When I asked him how you guys met, I was startled to find out that it was in a sauna, and it was about the time you were heading back to China. That means that in that night you left me alone in the room, you were probably out meeting clients in a sauna. It hurts me to know that you didn't just tell me, but instead left me hanging. Did you know that was the loneliest night in my life? My heart broken from waiting for you, my stomach hungry from spending all my money on you such that I had none for myself to even eat, and my mind lost in a rush of thoughts that came every 3 seconds worrying about you. Worst part of all, what I really wanted, was you by my side that night. You never came. I had to meet you much much later the following day. Still somehow you made it seem like it was my fault.

When I think back, the only thing I am truly guilty for, is falling in love with you. Lame as it is.


My friend asked me if I could go back in time now with the knowledge I have, would I still go through with you; I told her I don't regret anything.

You made me start going to the gym, which in turn has made me a little more sexier, which in turn makes me more desirable to some other men - none of them as hot or will ever be as perfect as you of course, but still, I had nothing before but now I have. You made me start seriously learning Mandarin and if anything I have learnt a new language. You made me more conscious of the way I look, because I always wanted to look the best for you. That has made me raise my game. Everything I have built in myself over the years, you took away when I met you and now have to rebuild.

But more than anything, you made me fall in love. You made me experience what it feels like to love and to lose. You came into my life, swept me off my feet and called me your 老婆. You made me feel alive and you are my first ever boyfriend; for that, nothing I can do would express the gratitude I have for you.


I feel a bit sad now that I realize the last time I would ever see you was when I sent you off at the airport, crying like a baby. I guess it's because I hate sad goodbyes. I should have appreciated your presence a little more, seeing as I will never see you again. Wish I had the chance to say goodbye with peace and well wishes in my heart. But God has his reasons. He brought us together after all.


I love you Ah Liang, you are my 亲爱的. I will always love you. But right now, I just want to live my life without you. If this thing between us ends, not only will our relationship end, but so will my suffering, and I guess I can be happy about that, even if I am not happy having to leave you.

I wish you will be safe and happy always, that you will love someone like how I loved you, and to be loved back in the same way by that person. You deserve to have that. I will pray every night for your success and joy in life. Maybe some day our paths will cross again. TIll then, this is goodbye, my love.