Where does my heart lie now?

亲爱的

How is the weather in Hubei? I mean, that's where you are right? I honestly don't know where you are or what you do. You get me worried sick I swear. 

I met someone recently, his name is Jasper. He's really nice and so innocent. Not to mention he's really cute too. He takes all my compliments well and he's always so humble about it too. He's been messaging me everyday these past couple of days now, and it's really nice since he's the one initiating these messages. Makes me feel special, like someone so good looking would want my attention. The last time I felt like this was with ........ you.

Maybe I don't deserve to have you as my boyfriend. Maybe I broke someone's heart so badly in my past life that my karma is back to haunt me. Maybe I deserve this suffering for taking you away from your family and your rightful path in life. Maybe. When I think about it, I really feel that all I've ever done and can be blamed for, is that I fell in love with you.

Perhaps it's just our fate that is such, and I have no reason to blame myself or blame you for any of this. I am sure you do not intentionally want me to suffer. I mean, who am I kidding? You're not really my boyfriend. We just say that to please each other and the people around us. I am more than happy to play this lovegame with you, because it means I still can have you in my life. Maybe in the future, I can have a better reason to want to keep you in my life. Haha. I was truly lucky to have met you. I am still in disbelief actually. Many people are jealous of me! When I think about it, I really feel like the biggest blessing that I have been given, was that I fell in love with you.

I wonder if we will truly ever meet again, I really do. Not just because you seem hesitant, but as time seems to pass, I seem hesitant too. Don't you ever think for a second that I would just walk away. I want you and I miss you and I love you too much for that. I keep seeing you in my mind, but the memories are getting less vivid as they were before and all I have are pictures to remind me of them. Even when I picture you, I almost forget how you look like. 

请原谅我, maybe it's just my loneliness acting up on me. Anyway this thing with Jasper... we're just friends, nothing more. I'd never find someone else; you would. I hope you are well. Please text me again soon.

我会永远爱你，亲爱的。